100 Things You Can Do To Save Your Marriage

This is a picture of my grandparents who have been happily married for over 75 years. I have been married for 18 years now so to them I am still a newly wed. I can say that before year 10 I knew NOTHING about being a good wife. Here are some things I have learned for husbands and wives alike that may help you save your marriage or help give you a better one. Enjoy and let me know the one you liked the most :)

1. Give your spouse a hug, a kiss, and tell them how much you love them - EVERY DAY

2. Create a Honeydoo List for the fridge instead of nagging - let them help in their own way and timing

3. Keep your things picked up and organized

4. Make them amazing food or take them out for amazing food

5. Have a date night every week - one week his pick, one week her pick

6. Get them small to big presents for no reason at all but to show them you love them

7. Show appreciation for even the little things they do with kind words and a squeeze or a kiss

8. Praise them in front of others for nice or thoughtful things they have done or talents they hold

9. Be sexy - you remember how to do that don't you?

10. Wear clothes they would like when you are with them

11. Fix your hair, make-up, wear perfume/cologne when you are going to see them

12. Don't trick them into marrying one person and then become another

13. Be best friends, share all of your secrets

14. Be a good listener with eye contact, nodding and responding with brief words like a caring really?

15. Tell you massive complaints and woes to a friend then give your spouse the concise version

16. Enjoy making love to them, be a great lover and do the things they like

17. Welcome them home in a way that will make them want to come home

18. Tell them all the wonderful things about their personality that you like

19. Make them or go out for their favorite meal often

20. Have their favorite foods, snacks and drinks stocked in the kitchen

21. Snuggle close to them when watching TV

22 Give them a back, foot, hand or head rub at night after a long day

23. Scratch their back when they are driving or doing the dishes

24. Hold hands while driving in the car

25. Be happy about their hobby or sport and join in with them periodically

26. Speak words of affirmation like you are so smart, so beautiful, so funny, so caring, so wonderful

27. Give them their space when they are upset, stressed or need alone time

28. Allow them to be angry for a time

29. Allow them to be depressed for a time

30. Allow them to not be perfect forever

31. Allow them to make big mistakes and don't say I told you so - empathize with them

32. Give them a ridiculous amount of grace and mercy all day and night in every situation

33. Try to be quiet sometimes to provide a peaceful home and life

34. Create a comfortable home environment with pillows, candles, soft music and clean

35. Always talk highly of your spouse to your children

36. Pick the right time and place to have a discussion (not when tired, hungry or in bed)

37. Be flexible with plans - who ever cares the most - wins

38. Be flexible with expectations, it is God who should meet your expectations, not a human

39. Be careful not to expect your spouse to behave like your family, celebrate their differences

40. Accept your spouse for who they are - chew on that -advice from my Grandmommy - married 75 yrs

41. Show respect to your spouse in public, private and in front of children

42. Play games together

43. Talk about interesting funny things at the dinner table

44. Bake or buy special treats once a week

45. Go out on double date with friends & socialize w/ happily married couples, u may learn a few
things

46. Remember your first dates and adventures together and enjoy being reminiscent about them

45. Have a party themed around what they love like (movies, chocolate, baseball, whatever)

46. Remember them on holidays with a special gift and extra love and attention

47. Have your children do special things for them like performances, art, letters, poems etc.

48. Call them when they are away periodically and tell them you miss them and love them

49. Bring your spouse a surprise that they love at work

50. Plan a special get away trip for you and your spouse - leave the kids with their grandparents

51. Learn something new together

52. Go somewhere together you have both never been to - place, restaurant, state park, museum, city

53. Write a romantic or sexy note to them and hide it in their papers regularly (or e-mail)

54. Treat them extra special on their birthday with their favorite things, doing what ever they like

55. When confronting them about something, wrap it in chocolate - extra sweet and smooth

56. Be affectionate in the ways they like

57. Ask them what you can do to make them more happy

58. Ask them what clothes they think look nice on you and then wear them when you are with them

59. Ask them how they like you to wear your hair and then wear it that way often

60. Ask them what they would like to do this week, month, year and put it on the calendar

61. Ask them where they would like to go for vacation and then make it happen

62. Ask them what they need emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally - make sure they have it

63. Come alongside your spouse and help them with projects even in small ways

64. Get your spouse a snack and drink when they are deep in a project

65. Care enough about your spouse to warn them gently when they are doing something destructive

66. Care enough about your spouse to get outside help if they are trapped in something destructive

67. Bring to light fights, problems or embarrassments to mentors so that God can begin to heal it

68. When they are sick, nurse them gently back to health with lots of chicken soup and care

69. If they are having a hard time with something, help them gently

70. Be their biggest fan

71. Adore them - found this on an ancient headstone in a graveyard made me wonder if I was...

72. Believe in them - not like Santa - more like knowing they can do anything

73. Be joyful and fun by laughing at their jokes - yes again and dance together in the kitchen

74. Be responsible and try not to let them down by being on time and being there when you should

75. Be peaceful and gracious - meaning full of grace, that means unmerited favor

76. Be patient with them, slow to anger, fast to forgive

77. Be kind to them the same way you would be kind to a guest in your home

78. Have self control and if you are losing it, take a break in private to calm down

79. Resist vomiting all of your emotions on them in one huge tsunami and expect them to respond well

80. If you notice they are hurting, help heal their wounds with gentle, tender loving care

81. Encourage them to greatness

82. Listen to them without giving advice or verbally butting into their sharing time

83. Put your arm around them and hug them in public and around family

84. Forgive them as Jesus has forgiven you, as far as the East is from the West

85. Encourage them to follow their dreams and have you by their side as they achieve them

86. Set 1 year, 5 year, 10 year and 20 year goals separately then share with each other

89. Go shopping with them in their favorite stores and be loose on the wallet

90. Go hiking together and bring a picnic like you did when you dated only talk about good things

91. Revisit the places you were most in love and reenact kisses, talks and things you did together

92. Go to a Christian counselor when it gets bad, it is wise to seek Godly counsel - do what they say

93. Meet with friends who have a strong marriage and seek advice, then act on that advice

94. Know every marriage has dips, hold on for the ride because your love will return if you fight for it

95. The bad habits you know drive your spouse crazy, try to improve when you are around them

96. The bad habits that drive you crazy about your spouse, see number  40 - it will give YOU relief

97. Go to bed in something sexy or just plain naked will do

98. Put your arms around your spouse and pray for them regularly

99. Pray together, seek God together, go on a missions trip or outreach together and lean into Jesus

100. Put them first in your family, before children, before job, before you.

This is my husband and I at the joyful wedding of some of our dearest friends. Juan and I try to read a marriage book together almost every year to keep learning and growing in our marriage. I have to admit though that better than all of the books combined is the advice my big sister Pam gives me over the phone late at night when I feel there is no hope. If it were not for her I would be a really awful wife. She taught me how to empathize, have compassion for and love and adore and honor and respect my husband. Let me tell you something, those things have to be practiced and learned over years. It does not come naturally to anyone. I am so thankful to my sister who has a true ministry to help families stay together.

I was reading a marriage book called Love and War today and I thought to myself... if I were to write a marriage book, what would I call it? Immediately I thought of the title "100 Ways To Save Your Marriage" and thought I would come up with the 100 ways on the spot. Whipped out my trusty blog and bamed this baby out in about 20 min. off of the top of my head. Maybe one day I will expound on each one and make a book, or maybe I will just dream of making a book - Ha! My dad always told me "people say they want to write a book, they do not want to write a book, they want to hold a book in their hand with their picture on the back and say they have written a book." How true this is, hopefully not true for me though. Now go kiss your spouse ~ t:)